Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Why Black Widow Should Leave The Avengers

The Avengers is hands down one of my favorite movies. I love it. I love Mark Ruffalo as the Hulk, and Iron Man's cheesy one-liners, and Captain America's hair, and Loki as the antagonist that everyone is secretly rooting for. In fact, it's safe to say I love every single character in the movie, save one, and that one is Black Widow. It may just be Scarlet Johanson's portrayal of the character, but I highly doubt it since the character's only attributes are tight clothes and cleavage. To be fair, the whole movie has a “Tony Stark and Friends” feel, and nobody contributes quite as much as Iron Man does, but at least the others do contribute.

Bruce Banner does all the mad scientist work until Black Widow and he fall through the floor and he loses his shit (which can possibly be pinned on BW's annoying reassurance that he'll be fine.) He tries his hardest to kill her until Thor and a fighter jet kick him off the carrier. He also got Loki to sit still.

Captain America is the leader and therefore calls all the shots. He can be credited as saving the most civilians since he gave the orders to set up perimeters in the city and rescued all those people stuck in the bank.

Hawkeye spent most of the film under Loki's influence and still helped out by killing Chitauri soldiers with his badass archery. He also knocked Loki off of his Chitauri speeder thing which allowed Loki to be caught.

Thor uses freaking lightning to destroy the Chitauri army as it's coming through the wormhole. He also attempts brotherly love as an angle on Loki.

Iron Man... You know.

In all fairness, she did have a badass moment of hijacking a Chitauri speeder (with the Captains help) in order to get to the wormhole generator and shut it down, but she waited until Iron Man (of course) sends a nuke through the wormhole and stops the army anyway. Also Selvig could have done that himself since he was the one who knew what to do. She does knock Hawkeye out which releases him from Loki's hold, but really. Big deal. If Thor wasn't busy trying to calm Bruce down after she pissed him off enough to turn him into the Hulk, he could have done that. She also helped get the Avengers together, but S.H.E.I.L.D. Agent and All Star Badass Phil Coulson could have done that by himself by facetiming Pepper Pots on his way to Calcutta. Every single contribution she made in this film either is so trivial that it didn't matter, or it could have easily been done by another Avenger. I'm not saying she's bad at what she does, because all she does is look pretty, and she does that very well. I'm just saying that S.H.E.I.L.D. could save some taxpayers' money (they're government funded, right?) by giving her a pink slip and sending her to a modeling agency. 


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